How you can change the world today

I believe a random act of kindness is infectious, and by sharing a recent experience of mine on this blog, I hope it influences you to share it with others.

I was sat on the train on my way home from work last night, when a young couple opposite me caught my eye.  They were having an argument, but at the same time trying not to draw attention to themselves.  From what I could make out, the guy was saying some pretty horrible things to his girlfriend.

After around 5 minutes of this, he gave up berating her and closed his eyes to take a nap.  She then spent the next few minutes looking into space, tears welling up in her eyes, thinking and reflecting.  She then put on some headphones and placed her head in her hands.  She kept this pose for the remainder of my journey.

During this time, my heart and head were racing.  What should I do!?  I felt I had to do something.  Somebody was alone, in distress, looking like they needed support.

It's a brave thing to speak out, but I hurriedly scanned through the possible options open to me.  Should I confront her boyfriend?  Should I console her? Should I mention it to the person sat next to me to garner some opinion?  Did they even see it?  Or simply, should I do nothing?  That's was the easiest option and the one everybody else seemed to choose.

As I approached my train stop, I made my move.  I lightly touched the woman's arm to catch her attention.  When she lifted her head and opened her reddened eyes, I looked into them and simply said, as lovingly as possible, "Are you OK?"

She smiled, and in a soft thankful voice, said "Yes, thank you".

You see, sometimes that's all somebody needs.  To be acknowledged. To be heard.  To know, that a random stranger feels their pain.  A random act of kindness, however small, makes a big difference.

Today she may reflect on what happened.  She may replay the scene and realize what I saw.  She may just step outside of herself and notice what's showing up in her relationship.  She may just make a change.

When you are out and about today and see an opportunity for a random act of kindness, however small, take it!  If we all do it, every day, then the world begins to change.

Please share this with others and let's change the world, one random act of kindness at a time.  Thank you.

By Matt Turner
www.seedslifecoaching.com

Life Coach for Creative, Professional Women at Seeds Coaching

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Why do I need a life coach?

There are two questions I am often asked.  The first is; what made you become a life coach?  The second is: what does a life coach do?

In truth, I'd never considered becoming a life coach.  I didn't know what one is, or does.  If I'm being brutally honest, I'd scoffed at the idea when it was first suggested as possible career by my partner (who's a psychotherapist).   I, like many people, saw life coaching as 'faddish' or 'flaky'.  It was something that I viewed with skepticism, and, dare I say it, some disdain.

So what changed for me?  Well, the encouragement of my partner for a start.  She kept telling me life coaching was something she felt I would excel at.  Its funny, but when we receive praise or recognition, we go to a place of disbelief and try to find reasons to disagree!  I did just that.  I told myself that she was crazy,  that there is no way I could do this job I had no regard for.  Little did I know, but I'd been a coach all my life.  I just needed to see it and appreciate it.

Embarking on intensive coach training was a really scary thing for me.  It involved opening myself up, talking about things I'd hidden for years.  It involved sharing and caring, things I enjoyed doing, but not making a song and dance about.  The thing is, coaching makes you appreciate who you are and what you are capable of.  It makes you sing from the rooftops about the good things in life, and be comfortable with things that cause us pain.  My training took me on a journey that was nothing short of incredible!

So, what does a life coach do? Now I have seen many clients and experienced the process over and over, I can safely say that a life coach is many wonderful things.  First and foremost, they are an advocate for everything you do.  They support every decision you make and never judge you.  They create a private and confidential space where you feel comfortable talking about ANYTHING.  They champion your achievements, celebrate your success and comfort you when things are hard.  They challenge you to think a different way.  They ask you questions you'd never heard before, and certainly never considered!  They make you accountable for your life in a way nobody else could. That's because they are your coach, not a friend.  The relationship is a professional one steeped in personal connection. That's what makes life coaching special!

Today I am a huge advocate of life coaching and the trans-formative benefits it brings to peoples lives. Everybody can benefit from having a life coach at some point in their lives.  I've seen it with my own eyes in the clients I coach every week.

I suppose the best judge of the power a life coach can bring into our lives are the clients themselves.  Below is a recent letter I received from a client.  Reproduced here with their permission, it sums up what I am in this profession for, namely fulfillment, deep meaning, rich satisfaction, empowerment and human connection.  It also answers the question; why do I need a life coach?

"How do you describe appreciation?  How do you genuinely praise interpersonal gratitude. Thank You! When it comes to someones kind words, a hug, actually listening, mindful presence and understanding; there are no words to describe the feeling of receiving that from another person.  

 I'm still working on giving and receiving positive affirmations for myself and others, but I wouldn't even be close to that if it weren't for Matt Turner. I have been sharing my story with him for about the same amount of time it takes to have a baby. A bit of a cliche perhaps but the process Matt has helped me through is similar to recreating myself from my childhood to the present. 

 It had been a challenging and yes at times difficult journey.  I honestly believe I wouldn't be more than"functioning" if it weren't for Matt and his coaching abilities.  Matt is knowledgeable and passionate about his craft. He has insight, talent and skill into how to tap into your innermost  thoughts, feelings and "triggers" by actively listening and responding in a manner that evokes trust, compassion and understanding.
    
Matt has a great sense of humor with his British accent and slang. He is such a personable individual you feel like you could tell him your life story and trust him with it. Oh yes, I guess I already have. No regrets. He's amazing! Just the fact that he is willing to be a supportive guide to help me navigate through all my built up "crap" he deserves a medal.  Yet, he can be brutally honest when I am being stubborn or resistant to change in an effort to kick-start some progress. Somehow, through it all, that still feels OK, because he does it in such a unique manner that you know he means well and has your best interest at heart, he genuinely cares and it shows; actually it oozes out of him. 

I was wary about getting into any type of counselling which is why it took me so many years. That fear subsided the day I met Matt and even though some sessions are intensely emotional, Matt effectively meets the challenge, providing a safe environment for enabling that release and sharing.  

If I had known someone like Matt back in my teen years I would have been so much different in the self confidence department.  But Hey, then I wouldn't be who I am today.  No regrets, just a renewed sense of self and a new lease on life and that is primarily due to my work with Matt Turner.  He is authentic, genuine, "the real deal" and I just want to rub his shiny bald head like a good luck charm; cause hes good at what he does, he's charming and I feel so lucky to have met him. 

Thanks for being you, Matt."

Matt Turner is a life coach specializing in helping women in mid-life with careers and relationships   He is based in Vancouver, BC and coaches clients all around the world.  Visit Seeds Coaching for details.

Book a complimentary life coaching session, either in person or over the phone.  Contact Seeds Coaching today!

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5 ways to quickly boost your confidence

They say confidence is everything.  If you could bottle confidence it would be worth a fortune!  However, the problem with confidence is that it's not constant.  It shifts, it flows, it dips and it rises.  Its like a river heading to the ocean, sometimes the waters are choppy, sometimes they are smooth and calm.

So how can you keep your confidence levels high?  How can you keep your confidence flow more consistent?  Here's five confidence boosting tricks to change your life for the better:

1. Check in with your confidence regularly.

One problem with confidence is that we don't pay attention to it.  Today, when every hour passes, ask yourself this; how confident am I right now?  Grade it on a scale of 1 -10.  Write this score down with a short explanation as to why you feel this way.  The first step to tackling confidence issues is being aware of your 'confidence flow'.  You can try this exercise for one day, one week or one month.  Take a look at your results.  What do they tell you?

2. Stop and appreciate.

Modern life is busy.  However, take time to stop at least once a day and appreciate what you have and who you are. What makes you special?  What talents do you have?  Why are you loved?  What are you grateful for?  Just by appreciating what we have, as opposed to what we want, can be a great confidence booster!

3. Ten years ago to the day

Look back at your life 10 years ago to the day.  What does it look like?  Where were you?  Who were you with? What car did you drive?  Where did you live?  What job did you do?  What income did you earn?  What was different about your life?  Seeing where you are now in life, compared to where you were can give you a clarity you might have missed.  Although possessions you own are nice, turn the focus of your attention to more intangible things like happiness, spirituality, wisdom and personal achievements.  These are ultimately more fulfilling and you'll be surprised what you have done in a decade!

4. Converse with people close to you

Simply send an email to 10 people you trust and love with the question; what can you count on me to be for you? We rarely ask others deep and meaningful questions.  To give people close to us the permission and space to express themselves, in a way they usually don't is incredibly empowering, for you and them.  When you get replies to your email, what surprises you?  What's great about their response?  What can you celebrate?

5. Dream and imagine

These are two qualities we frequently indulge in as children, yet as adults we neglect our inner child.  Take time out each day to fantasize about all the good things in life you have, want and desire.  Have fun with your ideal life!  Think about what's possible for you and how you might make some steps toward it.  Be adventurous with your dreams and imagination - let yourself go wild once in a while!  Do something that breaks out of your routine or comfort zone each week.

Matt Turner is a life coach specializing in helping women in mid-life with careers and relationships   He is based in Vancouver, BC and coaches clients all around the world.  Visit Seeds Coaching for details.

Book a complimentary life coaching session, either in person or over the phone.  Contact Seeds Coaching today!

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What to do when you are stuck? 5 quick fire strategies to get you unstuck!

One of the most common struggles my clients often face is the feeling of being 'stuck'.  What is like to be stuck and what does being stuck actually mean?

Often, the feeling of being stuck can be traced back to a number of things.  First, people tend to repeat the same patterns when trying to solve the same problems.  If you've always done the the same thing, you'll generally get the same result.  It's this revolving door of frustration and despair that can spiral somebody downward and leave them needing help.

Second, people lose confidence in themselves and their abilities.  Confidence really is everything.  As human beings, every single one of us has the capacity to choose how we feel and act.  The confident ones among us choose positive action consistently, despite any setbacks.  The less confident we are, the more prone we are to fear and avoiding any decision at all.  Does the saying 'putting in your head in the sand' sound familiar?  We all have a choice, and not making one is still a choice.

So how do we break the cycle and get unstuck?  On a longer term basis, a great idea is to hire a life coach.  At Seeds Coaching, I work with people who face this problem regularly.  Its a human condition we should be aware of, and actively embrace.

In the short term, you can follow these five simple steps:

1. Ask yourself "Is what I am experiencing reality?"  

Often we separate truth from reality and believe our own thoughts.  After all, a thought is simply that - a thought.  Its our perception and sometimes not real.  So the next time you have a thought about
something, ask yourself if that thought is really true or is it simply perceived?  Awareness is the first step to change.

2. What's a new perspective and how many can  I think of?

Stepping back from an issue and trying to see it through a different lens can sometimes make all the difference.  For instance, when somebody doesn't return an email you send out, what's your perspective?  Naturally we think that person may be ignoring us.  However, other perspectives might be that they are away on holiday, they no longer read that email account, they really want to reply and life has gotten in the way or they simply never received it in the first place!  The list of perspectives for any given issue is endless!  Which one is true?

3. Challenge all your assumptions!  

When you make an assumption about something, question it.  An assumption is simply that.  Ask yourself, "what am I assuming?" and "why did I assume that?".  By challenging our thoughts we begin to get clarity.

4. Be candid with people

Being candid doesn't mean you have to be rude!  People are naturally afraid to speak the truth because of the consequences it can bear.  However, by asking people outright what they really think of something you've been struggling with, you might just hear something that surprises you!  So next time we feel somebody is acting out of whack, get curious about what the reasons could be, and just ask them!

5. Appreciate yourself

We rarely look for the goods things we do and achieve, however small.  Just stopping and looking around your garden and appreciating where you live and what it took to get there can help.  The daily grind of life encourages to do, and not be.  By being more and doing less you'll begin to find happiness in the simple things right on your doorstep!


Matt Turner is a life coach, former school teacher, corporate trainer, school counsellor and stand up comedian.  He specializes in career coaching and relationship coaching.  Get in touch today for a free sample session and see how your life can change for the better!

Book a complimentary life coaching session, either in person or over the phone.  Contact Seeds Coaching today!

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